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July 2020 update

July 13th, 2020 at 09:28 pm

Holy moly, time has flown by!

- March 2019 - went on an awesome girls' trip to Florida

- May 2019 - I was dancing by myself in my living room, did a majestic leap into the air, fell, and broke my foot. I'd never broken anything before. Surgery followed, then several weeks of recovery, used a knee scooter at home and at work, and basically lost the whole summer.

- August 2019 - did allergy testing since I blew through my deductible and found out that the only thing they tested for that I'm allergic to is cats. Swell!

- September 2019 - started a local MBA program

- January 2020 - cat was diagnosed with diabetes. He's such a sweetie and tolerates twice-daily injections like a champ. This means no more travel for me, however, as he hates the car.

- February 2020 - bought a three-year old Subaru (first car purchase ever!) and sold my old one to a sweet guy who had no transportation and a dog

- March 2020 - started working from home. Annual girls' trip was canceled due to COVID.

- April 2020 - furloughed indefinitely, cut all extraneous expenses, was terrified I'd be laid off.

- May 2020 - George Floyd was murdered, big impact on life in the Twin Cities, both personally and professionally

- June 2020 - brought back to work (co-worker was laid off instead of me)

I will graduate with my MBA in December. I've gained twenty pounds in the last year thanks to medication issues, school, stress, furlough, stress, stress, and stress.

Deep thoughts from this past weekend -
Isn't it funny how our society presses us to dream big and strive to achieve? I've come to the realization that maybe some things just aren't meant for me. I've been obsessed with being thin since I was 9 years old; it's obviously not happening. I've been house hunting for 4 years and it's always just out of reach. Interest rates go down, my price range rises, home prices skyrocket. I've been halfheartedly online dating for years and am over trying to find someone (have since deleted all apps). Perhaps I would be happier recognizing that some things just aren't meant for me, and being happy with what I have!

6 Responses to “July 2020 update”

  1. Amber Says:
    1594698666

    Wow, you’ve experienced a lot, and it happens. I’m optimistic, never give up hope, keep striving for your goals. God may not move when we want Him to but he’s always working in the background

    You got this

  2. ceejay74 Says:
    1594701648

    Gosh yes, I feel this, as I'm sure a lot of people do! I've had some struggles such as not being able to stay at what I consider my "ideal" weight, and friends not being able to be counted on to not flake on plans at the last minute.

    What I finally came to, after much frustration, was that I need to stop trying to make goals that are too dependent on other people's actions or other factors out of my control (water retention, slowing metabolism, people not taking hanging out as seriously as me, whatever it may be).

    So now I still work toward things that I see as desirable, but if the outcome is not something I could actually control with actions alone, I don't view it as a goal. Instead my measure of success is that I'm doing things I can control that may or may not get me to that desired state, but that still are fulfilling and healthy things to be doing.

    For example, I can't control the number on the scale, but I can exercise X times a week. I can decide not to night-snack.

    I can't make friends conform to the behavior I want them to, but I can decide how much of my energy I give freely without expectation. That way I can behave as a friend without being so transactional about it and with less resentment (I mean, I'm human, there's going to be SOME lol).

    I think you're on the right track with your thinking! You can still be open to and doing things that may facilitate desired outcomes, but learning to be happy with yourself and your life in the present is much more important.

  3. CB in the City Says:
    1594740510

    I just have to add that my BFF and I have recently had a conversation about giving up on dreams. We came to the same conclusion as you did -- some things are not meant to be, and we make ourselves miserable striving for the impossible. That doesn't mean we have to stop trying to improve our lives, but taking time to appreciate exactly what we have is just as important, if not more so.

    I, for one, have had to accept that I will probably never have a soulmate. I had a husband, but he was a disaster. I'll never have the kind of house I used to dream of. I'll never have any more than just barely enough money. And I'll never be thin! But I still have a good life. It's been very freeing to get rid of all those "if only's" and celebrate all the simple good things in my life.

  4. kashi Says:
    1594744674

    Thanks all. The idea of giving up on my biggest dreams just came to me over the weekend, so I'm still mourning them a bit. It's been so drilled into me to set goals and attain them, come hell or high water, that it's definitely a shift in mindset.

  5. Wink Says:
    1594768852

    In a few short months you will be graduating with your MBA!! That is a huge accomplishment and a very big deal. Sometimes I think we forget to celebrate our achievements and only focus on the things that didn't quite work out. When I let go of certain expectations, either my own, society's, or other people in my life, I became a lot happier and content with my life.

  6. rob62521 Says:
    1594912827

    Congrats on your upcoming MBA graduation! Terrific!

    Sometimes you have to come to the realization you need to find contentment. I was 28 and had just gotten out of a not so good relationship and realized I didn't need a husband to take care of me. I decided to just enjoy what I had at that time and then a friendship turned into a wonderful relationship and I married DH over a year later. You've overcome quite a bit. Contentment, not frustration or giving up is the key.

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