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February 11th, 2015 at 01:00 pm

Last year I set some pretty serious goals for my 35th year. Now I'm 36 and, well, things are certainly changing.

I ended my relationship with SO last month. We've been through a lot together in the last 12 years, but my patience for change that will never come is gone. Something Baselle said a couple of years ago here on her blog stuck with me ever since - she said she looked around and couldn't imagine continuing life with her partner for another 30 years. Neither can I. I refuse to sacrifice my happiness any longer.

Unfortunately, I haven't found work (and neither has he), so I'm still living in his house. I've been sorting and tossing and donating and packing all of my things for weeks - so on one hand, it's nice to have the time and space to do that. Most rental properties here require you to sign a no-move-out clause during the winter months anyway, so there's not a lot on the market right now. It's not a big deal (just very awkward still living together), but I look forward to my own space.

As a friend said, I'm ripping off the old and starting an entirely new page - new job, new apartment, new life on my own (with my cats). No stress here.

I have a number of successful, happy older women in my life who live alone, so I know it can be done. I'll have to make a greater effort to get out and see people - the introvert in me likes to stay home most of the time, but I've got to get out there and have a life! Unfortunately this split means that I am losing the vast majority of my contacts here - his family. I've been debating moving out of state, but that might be a bit too much at once right now.

Anyway - financial things - the whole purpose of this blog:

- I have inheritance money set aside that I can use to move. Thankfully my parents are more than willing to help too, but I'd rather not ask them for anything.

- I've got a stack of books to get rid of. I've got a stack of photography stuff to get rid of. I hate selling things online, but I need money.

- I've got a list of things I'll need to buy for a new apartment.

- Rent prices (at least what's available now) are INSANE. I had no idea. They have skyrocketed since my last apartment, so I'll likely need to make at least $22 an hour to afford one - more than I've made to date. I also need a place that is relatively quiet and takes cats. I have one very anxious cat who is very sensitive to noise. She'll adjust - she has to - but neither of us would be happy in a big apartment complex. Fingers crossed.

- I still need a career. One that actually pays actual money so I can support myself for the rest of my life. I love non-profits, but damn, they don't pay well and their long-term viability is always an issue.

I should close this by saying - I'm happy. I'm terrified and anxious and the future is a completely mucky unclear mess, but a weight lifted when I finally made the decision. Now I just have to hope for the best.

7 Responses to “change”

  1. CB in the City Says:

    I have found life after my divorce much more peaceful and satisfying (after the first upheaval). If a relationship really isn't working, it's best to make the break and move on. Best of luck to you.

  2. kashi Says:

    Thank you, CB. That is comforting. I look forward to the peaceful, satisfying part of this process!

  3. ceejay74 Says:

    Oh wow! I'm happy and sorry and excited for you all at the same time. I hope you find the things you need to sort things out, but I know you took a long time to carefully consider this decision, so it's likely the right path for you. Hey, if you ever feel like you want company, let me know!

  4. ceejay74 Says:

    Oh! And might I recommend the Minneapolis/St. Paul garage sale site on FB. I've gotten a nice deal or two from there. Freecycle too. You can even post "ISO" (in search of) on there and if anyone's got what you need they'll let you know.

  5. Rachael777 Says:

    Lot of change. Exciting and scary. We are with you all hte way. You go girl. ((hugs))

  6. frugaltexan75 Says:

    Like Ceejay I'm happy and sorry to hear your news about your relationship - it sounds though as it is the right thing for you, so that is good. I hope you find something that works for you soon. I didn't know that leases could have clauses like that ...

  7. kashi Says:

    ceejay - Thank you. I have thought it about it for years, really. It's still not an easy step to take, but hopefully it is the right one. We should hang out again - it has been far too long! I've still got the Ordinary Savers group in the back of my mind!

    Rachael - Thank you! I appreciate that!

    FT - Thanks! I hope it is the right thing! Yes, lots of landlords have clauses like that in order to keep their income flowing during the winter. It's pretty hard to fill a place in January. I'm not sure if the big apartment complexes have those clauses, but I'm actively trying to avoid those anyway!

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