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Archive for March, 2018

decisions

March 29th, 2018 at 07:54 am

I'm overwhelmed by decisions right now.

- My cat. Is she in pain? I've just decided that she probably is and giving her all the pain meds. The other night she thoroughly enjoyed a sponge bath and brushing. She was purring and flopping like usual, perhaps a bit more carefully due to the feeding tube, but almost like her normal self. It's a constant stream of decision-making with her, though.

- My graduate program. I've done the research and the one I'm in is the cheapest and fastest path to a master's. If I switch now, I'll be in school for at least 2 more years and in debt at least $10K more. I can't find anyone here with a I/O Psych degree. Anything else I'm interested in (counseling, social work) doesn't pay enough to sustain life as a single woman with hopes of retiring someday.

- My house hunt. I recently discovered that my neighbor has a lengthy drug dealing record, which explains a lot. My landlord is useless. I reached out to my mortgage lender to get an updated quote, and with the .5% interest rate increase, a $150K home is now $100 more than my current rent per month. I can't find a $150K home here unless it is a tear down, in a sketchy neighborhood, or out in the boondocks. I can't believe this housing market. I looked at rentals too and everything at or below my current rent is garden level. Should I even stay in this city/state?

- My job. I was interested in a promotion but discouraged from applying as I was told I needed 2 more years of experience (presumably post-master's degree). The person hired for the job just got her bachelor's degree last fall. Frustrating. I'm biding my time, but where do I go from here?

- How much longer is my car going to survive? The check engine light is still on. It's running fine so I'm ignoring it.

- I have a few potential dating possibilities. Should I even bother right now?

Financially I still have an emergency fund cushion but have spent nearly $8000 on my cat since December. Obviously that will be tapering down now. I need to tighten my belt in April.

cat update - it is cancer

March 20th, 2018 at 10:45 am

Well, after seeing four vets, a CT scan, a biopsy, and countless other tests, I found out last Friday that my cat has cancer. It is in her salivary gland and the prognosis is not good. I am keeping her comfortable and trying to find some way to slow the growth of the cancer.

I'm devastated. She is the light of my life. I was much more prepared for my older cat's passing than hers. She is only 8.5 years old and in my mind, only halfway through her life. Honestly, I'm not sure how I will get through this. Anyone else have a furry soulmate? She is mine.

I'm struggling with my current ethics class, not only because this is happening, but because the material is not at all what I was expecting. It's a Lutheran college but so was my (liberal) undergrad, so I wasn't expecting a huge religious focus. This college is MUCH more conservative and requiring Bible readings. I'm not even remotely religious so I am struggling with this. I've been looking for different programs and am considering switching to an industrial organizational psychology program. The problem is that what I'm doing is the cheapest and fastest path to a master's degree.

I haven't done a lick of my homework due tomorrow, and now I have to take my cat to the vet this afternoon because she ripped out her feeding tube this morning.

I need to tell my ex about our cat but I'm dreading that conversation. I haven't spoken to him in almost three years other than happy birthday texts.

I'm not enjoying my life right now.