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poll: the holidays

November 10th, 2006 at 01:33 pm

Too bad I can't make a real poll within my blog. Here's my question:

How do you/did you split the holidays between your family and your significant other's family?

This has been a hot topic in my household as of late. My parents live several hours away, and they only have me, my sister, and my SO. SO's parents live a short drive away and have four kids (with four spouses) and six grandchildren. We see his parents all the time. We see my parents maybe a few times a year.

I haven't been home for Thanskgiving, Easter, the 4th of July, my birthday, my Dad's birthday, etc in years. I make an effort to visit my parents every Christmas. Last year, I spent Christmas with SO's family for the first time and went to my parents' house a few days later. My family did not celebrate Christmas at all until I got there. I felt horrible!!

This year, I'm going to my parents' house, with or without SO. It's also the week of my mom's 60th birthday, which I don't want to miss.

I'm not sure how to deal with this. SO wants me with him, but also wants to be at his parents' house. I am going to my parents' house. A friend of mine feels it is unfair of me to expect SO to stay at my parents' house for a week (although, he has family nearby that he could visit, too). She thinks we should get a hotel room whenever we visit my parents. That might make SO more comfortable, yes, but my family would be so disappointed, not to mention the cost of a week in a hotel!!! Plus driving - it would be at least a half hour drive one way to get to a hotel from my parents' house.

So, your thoughts and experiences, please. Do you alternate holidays every year? Is there any alternative to splitting the holidays or going our separate ways during that time? Am I agonizing over this too much?

(I'll get that Snickers Fudge recipe out next!)

10 Responses to “poll: the holidays”

  1. LuxLiving Says:

    I feel your pain - go see your family.

    If SO is significant enough on his end he'll be understanding of YOUR needs and will be there when you get back. If not, then he was really insignificant, wasn't he???

    Need Snicker Fudge badly!!!

  2. kashi Says:

    Hmm....well, we've been together for over four years, so I don't think he is insignificant. I'm just wondering if we should start alternating holidays and all that. It does kind of suck not being with him on holidays, but on the other hand, we can spend a week apart.

  3. LuxLiving Says:

    Alternating works good. Is there a way to make both families in the same day? That's what we used to do - one family would do their celebrating at lunch and another for supper... or one would do a Friday night and the other on Saturday so everyone could be there.

  4. kashi Says:

    I wish we could do that. Even saying "Christmas Eve at his house, Christmas day at my house" is not practical. It would be at least an 8.5 hour drive, if the weather was good.

  5. mjrube94 Says:

    What does he say when you talk to him about it? Is it "tough s**t, I want to stay with my parents", or is it "hey, I understand where you're coming from?". What about your mil? Is she the demanding "I want everyone at my house" type that would make him feel bad for going by your family, or is she the "I totally understand" type.

    You may want to watch pulling the "well your parents have 4 kids" card. Hubby (an only child) does that. (I'm from a big family). But just because I have lots of brothers and sisters doesn't mean that I don't miss my parents when I'm away for the holiday, or that they don't miss me.

    It all comes down to compromise...It seems like you have good communication with SO. I'd try sitting down with him and a bottle of wine and hashing it out!

  6. bigqueue Says:

    We alternate going to my family, and then my wifes...in fact, we alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas.....one year we go to her parents for Thqnksgiving and mine for Christmas and the next we pull the old swicteroo....

  7. DivaJen Says:

    Dh's parents live in town; mine live about 4 hours away. We tend to spend Thanksgiving at my parents' house and Christmas here. What is nice in our arrangement, however, is that my in-laws and my parents get along well, so my parents come here for Christmas and we all have dinner together that afternoon.

  8. jodi Says:

    It sounds so complicated since your families are so far apart. DH and I used to spend each holiday with our respective families when we were first dating, but after a few years we really wanted to spend the day with each other more than anything. Luckily for us, our families were very understanding and not terribly far apart (1.5 hours). We have Thanksgiving dinner at 1 pm with my family and at 6pm with his. We have Christmas Eve with his family, Christmas day with mine, and the day after Christmas with his extended family. I know this won't work with your situation - it sounds like a better case for alternating years. Is SO open to that idea? I hope you can get it worked out.

  9. ren Says:

    Can you do what bigqueue does? My family has always done this (odd years are family Thanksgiving for all the siblings, in-law Christmas; even years are in-law Thanksgiving and family Christmas) and it seems to work well, since no set of in-laws (including my grandparents, who are in-laws too!) feels slighted for not getting equal time.

  10. kashi Says:

    mjrube94 - SO is the "I understand where you're coming from" type, and his mother is the "I totally understand" type. I can't imagine either of them ever being any different. I am really lucky!

    bigqueue - That sounds like exactly what we are going to start doing next year.

    I wish our families lived closer...but we should definitely come up with a plan before we eventually move to Oregon, and it becomes even more complicated. Thanks for your input! Smile

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