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relief

January 31st, 2018 at 07:10 am

I brought my cat in for a CT scan. The home vet was convinced that my cat had a tumor and that the stress of bringing her in to the other vet for a dental and putting her under anesthesia made the tumor grow super fast. Naturally, feeling like I exacerbated it, I didn't want to bring her in to yet another vet for even more anesthesia, but I wanted concrete answers. The story just didn't make sense to me. I'm glad I spent the money, because she doesn't have a tumor or cancer. She has a bad infection in her lower jaw that was presumably caused by the vet who did the dental. I'm upset with myself for trusting them; they messed up both sides of my poor cat's mouth. We have started a different antibiotic and hopefully this treatment will clear the infection and reduce the pressure in her eyes. I'm so, so relieved that it's not a tumor and she made it through anesthesia again. Her heart rate tends to dip low every time she goes under.

I talked with my boss about the new job, and she said she doesn't feel I'll be ready for it for two years (presumably because by then I'll have a master's degree). She said I could apply but my application may not make it past HR. Clearly she has someone else in mind for this job. I'm disappointed; it felt like a light at the end of the tunnel.

School is still overwhelming but I'm trying to convince myself that this is doable for 18 months and then it will be over.

I feel so far behind. My friends are directors making 1.5 to 2 times my income, homeowners, driving decent cars, and have ample retirement funds. One friend can even retire early. I'm most terrified about not having enough in retirement to support myself. I wish I had spent less time caring about men and thinking I'd have a partner through life and focused solely on bolstering my career and retirement funds. Water under the bridge now, I suppose, but I can't seem to get traction on getting out of this low level job hole I've dug.

7 Responses to “relief”

  1. rob62521 Says:

    Very sorry about your kitty, but glad it is an infection and not a tumor.

    Hang in there about the job. I think as disappointing as it is that your boss may have someone else in mind, at least your boss was upfront saying you probably won't be ready for it. Maybe something better will come along when you have finished your schooling. It is worth it.

    Now comes the sermon...do not beat yourself up for your past. It is done. You have learned from it. Concentrate on what you are doing now and what you are doing in the future to better yourself. Do not...I repeat...do not compare yourself to others. Yes, strive to improve yourself, but if you constantly look at what others have and you don't, you will be discouraged. I look at some of our friends who made far more money than DH and I did. DH worked for the library and I worked for the school district. Our friends had big jobs making big money and fabulous benefits. But, now, they are scraping by and complaining how they don't have a lot of money. Why? Because they weren't good at handling money then and still aren't.

  2. CB in the City Says:

    I agree with Rob. It's hard not to be jealous of friends who appear to be doing better, but you never know what is under the surface of their lives. You may not have always made the best decisions (I know I haven't!) but you did what seemed right at the time, and there is no point in beating yourself up for it.

    I was always afraid of not having enough to retire on, and here I am, retired, with not much compared to others, but I am doing fine. Being wise with money is a much greater asset than just making a lot of it.

  3. snafu Says:

    Wonderful that cat has been correctly diagnosed and is finally on a path to wellness.

    Another voice screaming the past has gone and you your benefits will come from looking forward. I've no idea of details but I don't see your boss as supportive of your moving forward. Did she explain the areas needing emphasis to help you move forward?
    I'd apply for the upcoming position as an experiment and for the experience of preparing for the process. Since I realize your plate is full with work, school, kittie care and being mindful of spending, I hesitate to suggest, You might start watching for jobs you'd like, with emphasis on the west coast, not so much with a plan to re situate but to explore the details of what skills and experience other organizations value. Does your current school offer any job search assistance?

  4. Dido Says:

    I'm glad to hear the relatively good news for your kitty and hope she heals soon.

    Yet another voice urging you not to get caught in the social comparison trap. Nothing you can do about the past except take some lessons from it and move forward. Your sidebar says you are in your late 30s so you have plenty of time yet to save for retirement and, more importantly, have those savings compound--the great, unbuyable, gift of time. And while a big pot of money saved for retirement may help you sleep it is no guarantee of wise spending in retirement or happiness lived on the way to getting there.

  5. PatientSaver Says:

    Big warm hug to you, Kashi.

    So glad your cat is ok. My cats have had numerous teeth pulled and healed quickly. I would stay away from that other vet.

    I understand how you must feel when comparing yourself to others, but think about the sacrifices they surely had to make, eg long hours, added stress and so on. I have done the same looking u eole i used to work with decades ago, to find them also at director level and surely quite comfortable, financial speaking. But that's something i try to avoid doing as no good really comes of it.

  6. kashi Says:

    Thank you all for your support!

    rob62521 - You're right. I often worry that I'm not good enough with my money, like your friends; I need to work on being stricter with spending.

    CB - Thank you. I'm so glad you are doing well! It's reassuring to know that it's possible.

    snafu - No, my boss didn't tell me what I need to work on. She does often seem supportive of my moving forward, but certainly not in this instance. If I apply for the job, I'll be disqualified from being part of the hiring process and unable to voice my opinion in who we hire. I'll have to work with this person regularly so I'm hesitant to do that since my chances of getting the position aren't good. Great idea on job hunting - I did some of that today. I looked into the school's job searching assistance but it's just basic online stuff that I'm very familiar with.

    Dido - Online retirement calculators make me realize just how far behind I am for my age. I began saving for retirement early but squandered so many years. I'm glad you think I have plenty of time!

    PS - Agreed, I'm not bringing my cats back to that vet, ever!

  7. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Kashi - I'm glad kitty's diagnosis is less scary!

    It does no good to compare ourselves with others. We all have to walk our own path. I get that it's easier said than done - you can only do the best you can do at any given moment. That is good enough.

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