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TWO meals out today

October 26th, 2006 at 01:26 pm

I haven't eaten out in quite a while, and today, I'm having two meals out. I hadn't planned on meeting up with a friend for lunch, but when she suggested it, I jumped on the opportunity. I hadn't seen her in almost two months. Far too long, and definitely worth $6. Lately I've had weird nightmares about having no friends, so it's a good time to get in touch with people.

Tonight SO and I are having a date night - dinner and a movie. Dinner should be...interesting. I'll fill you in tomorrow after the experience. The movie should be good too!

I've been trying to keep my feelings about one particular thread in the forum out of my blog, but I just can't. It's like a thorn in my side.

I have never wanted to get married, and I have never wanted kids - I know, I'm in the minority of all women. That does not mean I am incapable of having a meaningful, loving, long-term, committed realtionship. That does not mean that, should I chose to change my mind about kids, I would be a horrible parent just because I haven't signed a marriage contract with SO. It just doesn't. Being a parent is about so much more than whether or not I have that piece of paper. It's about wanting kids, and loving kids, and being a responsible, mature adult. For some people that means you HAVE to be married. For me, it does not.

It strikes me that so many people think there is only one right way of doing things. I've always been the one saying, "Hey! Hello! I'm not doing it your way, and I'm not dead yet!" Being pushed to do things the way other people want me to do them, because that's the way it's always been done - well, that just makes me stick harder to the what I want to do. Blame it on the Aquarius in me. Oh, and the Irish.

I've had this conversation with endless numbers of people (including in real life), and I don't know why I even bring it up anymore. It seems so few people are even willing to consider how I feel about this - everyone feels the need to talk me out of it and into tradition. No, must get married. Must change last name. Must have children. *sigh* Gotta step back, or I'll drive myself crazy.

In other news, I miss Flash. A lot. Her blog was always fun and interesting to read. I hope she is feeling better.

14 Responses to “TWO meals out today”

  1. JanH Says:

    I had the same thoughts about myself lately and friends. I have been so busy with the family, that I have let everything else go. Just this morning I was thinking about getting in touch with an old friend I haven't talked to and have missed.

  2. fern Says:

    For what it's worth, I'm 47 and never married. And no kids, either.

    I was always very ambivalent in having kids thru my 20s, thru my 30s, and then around age 40 i began to consider well, maybe ONE child might be nice. But by then the right man wasn't in my life, so i've kind of dropped that thought.

    Nearly anyone can biologocally have a child; that's the easiest part. The hard part is raising a responsibile adult. Not everyone has an interest in doing this, some people don't want the responsibility, but that doesn't make you any less of a person bya ny means. There are many other worthwhile, rewarding and satisfying contributions one can make in life, so don't worry what other people think. Pursue your dreams.

  3. koppur Says:

    I'm sorry you've been feeling down and somewhat attacked lately. I'm a firm believer that nothing but the love matters: if you are married or not, it should only be about the love. Kids or not, should be about the love. biological vs adoption, should be about the love. Stand strong in your own beliefs and remember that the only person you need to make happy is you. If your choice is to not be married and not have kids, or be married but not have kids, or have kids and not be married, or be married and have kids, the only people it affects are you, your SO, and if you have any, kids. Remember that it's harder to stand up for what you believe in than to fall over at what someone else believes, but it's almost always worth it.

  4. mjrube94 Says:

    I think this all ties back to the post you made yesterday. Most people are incapable of "live and let live". I guess they're trying to reconfirm their own ideas by forcing them on everyone else.

    At the end of the day, though, it doesn't really matter what others think. As long as you're happy with who you are, and the SO is ok with the marriage/baby part, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone else.

  5. LuckyRobin Says:

    No one should ever try to pressure you into having children you don't want. No one should ever try to pressure you into not having children you do want. This is between you and the potential father, no one else, ever. Same goes for marriage, between you and the potential husband, no one else's business, period.

  6. LdyFaile Says:

    *raises hand* I'm in the women-who-don't-want-kids minority as well. Granted I don't have an SO, not even any prospects on the radar either. Most guys I've been interested have wanted kids and that's not exactly a turn off just a something to consider. I'm open to the idea of adopting at some point in time. Potentially. Doesn't mean I will. I wouldn't mind being married, I like the idea of marriage, but to me marriage isn't what I'm gearing my life for. IE, I am a complete and whole person without being married. I do try to adopt a live and let live philosophy except I'm a little jaded in that I feel that if you have the same spiritual beliefs as I do, then you should follow those beliefs and the 'rules' found within. If you don't hold my beliefs, how can I hold you my rules?

    *steps off soap box*

    All that to say. You Go Girl! You will rock at whatever you decide to do and many of us here (Im pretty sure I'm not speaking for myself alone) support you in your decisions.

  7. debtfreeme Says:

    I too am a card carrying member of the not interested in marriage or kids brigade. I am perfectly happy "living in sin" (thanks grandma) for the rest of my life. I am looking for a person i can commit myself to in our way. Marriage is not a requirement for me either. Kids are something i have never felt called to do. I love my nieces and nephews and god children with all my heart but i simply don't have that desire to raise a family. who knows what may happen but i am not going to change my views beause my friends, family or society tell me to.

  8. tinapbeana Says:

    another no-kidder here! *chuckle* when folks ask if i have kids, i say "no, i have a husband. does that count?"

    i was also ambivilant on the whole marriage front, but it was important to DH. i have big issues with the whole name-changing thing, and that seems to be something that causes a lot more contention in the real world for me than it ought to. maybe i should carry a copy of marriage license around w/ me for folks that think i'm lying Big Grin

  9. sarah Says:

    I told my family at age 9 that I did not want kids. They laughed. Now that I am 45 they believe me.

  10. jodi Says:

    Well, I DID want kids and I always wanted to get married - and I did both. But as far as anyone else goes, they need to do what they want to make themselves happy.

    I get upset when I see two uninvolved, non committed parents bring a child into chaos...but never when two committed people who love and respect each other live and/or parent together. Live and let live - what a wonderful place this world would be if we all just stopped trying to change others viewpoints, be it parenting, relationships, religion, politics, etc.

    P.S. Thanks for the statement about catching up with old friends. I have had one particular friend on my mind and I am going to e-mail him right now Smile

  11. baselle Says:

    Another no-kid woman here. I must be oxytocin negative. Every so often I think about the possibility (rapidly declining) and then I get a karmic version of devil mother a couple of Saturdays ago.

    IMO, the "must-produce-child" hounding is the fear of oblivion dressed up as tradition.

  12. Ima saver Says:

    I am older than most on here, so when I grew up, you "had" to be married, you could not live with your SO.
    But to me, I do not care if I am married or not. I am just so happy to have someone to love and someone to love me.

  13. paigu Says:

    I am from a culture that has always believed women should be married and have kids. I'm of age where a lot of my parents' friends start looking at me funny and asking about boyfriends and fiances. As much as I have adopted American culture and the love of being an independent, intelligent young woman surviving on her own....sometimes I do start asking myself, What's wrong with me?
    Sure, I'd like to be married (heck, even a relationship would do right now) but I shouldn't think being single is something "bad" or "wrong."
    I agree, as long as you are happy, in love, content, then people should have nothing to say about a great situation!

  14. lrjohnson Says:

    I'm unmarried and childfree. (Not childless, childfree. I saw a great cartoon this week, one couple talking to another - "we thought about having a kid, but we decided to have fun instead.")

    I was born and raised in San Franciso by two very liberal albeit married parents. A lot of what I assume is normal seems to not be so much. I think marriage is a little odd, like out of the mainstream. I just attended my first wedding ever as a guest, and I'm 36. Most people I knew growing up either couldn't get legally married if they wanted to, or weren't interested in something so old-fashioned.

    I think of the Elvis Costello line when I run across people who ask when when My Guy and I will get married or when I'll have kids...."Well I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused." I am just relentlessly unapologetic about my absolute non desire for marrige or kids. You need me to kick any butt, give me a ring.

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