I haven't eaten out in quite a while, and today, I'm having two meals out. I hadn't planned on meeting up with a friend for lunch, but when she suggested it, I jumped on the opportunity. I hadn't seen her in almost two months. Far too long, and definitely worth $6. Lately I've had weird nightmares about having no friends, so it's a good time to get in touch with people.
Tonight SO and I are having a date night - dinner and a movie. Dinner should be...interesting. I'll fill you in tomorrow after the experience. The movie should be good too!
I've been trying to keep my feelings about one particular thread in the forum out of my blog, but I just can't. It's like a thorn in my side.
I have never wanted to get married, and I have never wanted kids - I know, I'm in the minority of all women. That does not mean I am incapable of having a meaningful, loving, long-term, committed realtionship. That does not mean that, should I chose to change my mind about kids, I would be a horrible parent just because I haven't signed a marriage contract with SO. It just doesn't. Being a parent is about so much more than whether or not I have that piece of paper. It's about wanting kids, and loving kids, and being a responsible, mature adult. For some people that means you HAVE to be married. For me, it does not.
It strikes me that so many people think there is only one right way of doing things. I've always been the one saying, "Hey! Hello! I'm not doing it your way, and I'm not dead yet!" Being pushed to do things the way other people want me to do them, because that's the way it's always been done - well, that just makes me stick harder to the what I want to do. Blame it on the Aquarius in me. Oh, and the Irish.
I've had this conversation with endless numbers of people (including in real life), and I don't know why I even bring it up anymore. It seems so few people are even willing to consider how I feel about this - everyone feels the need to talk me out of it and into tradition. No, must get married. Must change last name. Must have children. *sigh* Gotta step back, or I'll drive myself crazy.
In other news, I miss Flash. A lot. Her blog was always fun and interesting to read. I hope she is feeling better.
TWO meals out today
October 26th, 2006 at 09:26 pm
October 26th, 2006 at 09:30 pm 1161894659
October 26th, 2006 at 09:32 pm 1161894724
I was always very ambivalent in having kids thru my 20s, thru my 30s, and then around age 40 i began to consider well, maybe ONE child might be nice. But by then the right man wasn't in my life, so i've kind of dropped that thought.
Nearly anyone can biologocally have a child; that's the easiest part. The hard part is raising a responsibile adult. Not everyone has an interest in doing this, some people don't want the responsibility, but that doesn't make you any less of a person bya ny means. There are many other worthwhile, rewarding and satisfying contributions one can make in life, so don't worry what other people think. Pursue your dreams.
October 26th, 2006 at 09:39 pm 1161895195
October 26th, 2006 at 10:47 pm 1161899246
At the end of the day, though, it doesn't really matter what others think. As long as you're happy with who you are, and the SO is ok with the marriage/baby part, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone else.
October 26th, 2006 at 11:19 pm 1161901163
October 26th, 2006 at 11:38 pm 1161902304
*steps off soap box*
All that to say. You Go Girl! You will rock at whatever you decide to do and many of us here (Im pretty sure I'm not speaking for myself alone) support you in your decisions.
October 26th, 2006 at 11:43 pm 1161902621
October 27th, 2006 at 12:15 am 1161904512
i was also ambivilant on the whole marriage front, but it was important to DH. i have big issues with the whole name-changing thing, and that seems to be something that causes a lot more contention in the real world for me than it ought to. maybe i should carry a copy of marriage license around w/ me for folks that think i'm lying
October 27th, 2006 at 02:05 am 1161911105
October 27th, 2006 at 03:00 am 1161914405
I get upset when I see two uninvolved, non committed parents bring a child into chaos...but never when two committed people who love and respect each other live and/or parent together. Live and let live - what a wonderful place this world would be if we all just stopped trying to change others viewpoints, be it parenting, relationships, religion, politics, etc.
P.S. Thanks for the statement about catching up with old friends. I have had one particular friend on my mind and I am going to e-mail him right now
October 27th, 2006 at 06:56 am 1161928609
IMO, the "must-produce-child" hounding is the fear of oblivion dressed up as tradition.
October 27th, 2006 at 03:01 pm 1161957709
But to me, I do not care if I am married or not. I am just so happy to have someone to love and someone to love me.
October 27th, 2006 at 06:54 pm 1161971681
Sure, I'd like to be married (heck, even a relationship would do right now) but I shouldn't think being single is something "bad" or "wrong."
I agree, as long as you are happy, in love, content, then people should have nothing to say about a great situation!
October 28th, 2006 at 05:26 am 1162009573
I was born and raised in San Franciso by two very liberal albeit married parents. A lot of what I assume is normal seems to not be so much. I think marriage is a little odd, like out of the mainstream. I just attended my first wedding ever as a guest, and I'm 36. Most people I knew growing up either couldn't get legally married if they wanted to, or weren't interested in something so old-fashioned.
I think of the Elvis Costello line when I run across people who ask when when My Guy and I will get married or when I'll have kids...."Well I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused." I am just relentlessly unapologetic about my absolute non desire for marrige or kids. You need me to kick any butt, give me a ring.